(9:07:42 PM) gofg467: You are perfect nude.
(9:07:45 PM) gofg467: You are right
(9:07:51 PM) gofg467: I didn't appreciate that particular aspect
(9:07:57 PM) gofg467: and mac had the foresight to do just that
(9:07:58 PM) gofg467: haha
(9:08:01 PM) gofg467: i won though
(9:09:24 PM) Colleen: strange places
(9:09:32 PM) gofg467: ?
(9:09:39 PM) gofg467: May I have that picture?
(9:09:44 PM) Colleen: nonspecific descriptions
(9:10:08 PM) Colleen: yes, id prefer to give you a hard copy.. rather than one through the internet..
(9:10:16 PM) Colleen: that would.. be more right
(9:10:20 PM) Colleen: to me
(9:10:21 PM) Colleen: to everything
(9:10:32 PM) gofg467: sometimes you see those pictures that are just like
(9:10:37 PM) gofg467: so much better than everything
(9:10:43 PM) gofg467: and capture the reality of a moment perfectly
(9:10:48 PM) gofg467: i had never been in one of those pictures
(9:10:58 PM) gofg467: :D
(9:11:00 PM) Colleen: :)
(9:11:04 PM) gofg467: thanks
(9:11:55 PM) gofg467: but yeah
(9:11:56 PM) gofg467: drive over here :)
(9:12:01 PM) gofg467: hang out with me for just a little bit
(9:12:14 PM) gofg467: i don't have any gas money or cigarette money but i'm sure i could find some
(9:12:25 PM) Colleen: haha no its not about the money
(9:12:30 PM) Colleen: ive spent a lot of time with people
(9:12:36 PM) gofg467: okay
(9:12:37 PM) Colleen: im enjoying the privacy of my room
(9:12:39 PM) Colleen: :)
(9:13:05 PM) Colleen: i ate a cookie two mintues ago, then i wished for another, so i got one, and i ate that, then i wanted another, but instead i had a tangelo
(9:14:22 PM) gofg467: :)
(9:14:27 PM) gofg467: I think I am going to take a shower
(9:15:41 PM) gofg467: I can't stop thinking about how beautiful you are though. :)
(9:16:34 PM) gofg467: seeing something as artful as your nude body, while on lsd, has done something to my mind
(9:18:52 PM) gofg467: :) i have never seen something with such grace and divinity and surreality
(9:22:33 PM) gofg467: and
(9:22:42 PM) gofg467: :)
(9:22:46 PM) gofg467: i'm sorry i'm kind of inebriated
(9:27:26 PM) Colleen: no .. i understand.. it was special for me too.. special and surreal yes
(9:46:06 PM) gofg467: :) i wish i could say things about you
(9:46:12 PM) gofg467: that were more eloquently worded
(9:46:21 PM) gofg467: that captured how I actually feel, and am affected
(9:46:27 PM) gofg467: instead of sounding stupid and annoying and sycophantic
(9:50:24 PM) gofg467: teach me to write poetry
(9:50:32 PM) gofg467: and i'll write so many poems about you
(9:50:36 PM) gofg467: that you will be the happiest girl on earth
(9:54:12 PM) Colleen: im the saddest girl on the earth.. 
(9:54:15 PM) Colleen: lindsey sent me this
(9:54:20 PM) Colleen: you'd find it interesting
(9:54:27 PM) Colleen: no.. nevermind
(9:54:30 PM) gofg467: please
(9:54:58 PM) Colleen: .. i dont really want to.. just.. fuck.. i feel.. 
(9:55:00 PM) Colleen: heavy
(9:56:09 PM) Colleen: i sent it to your facebook

//begin message

I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be that way I just

I think I don't know how to act around you anymore.
I think I talk like that .. and say those things because I'm really sad about our friendship. I am so sad . I try not to think about it because I get this lump in my throat but sometimes and I act weird towards you.

Sometimes I think I try to make you feel shitty so you will understand how I feel. I do it. I know I do. And that's wrong of me, and it makes me a bad friend.

I know people change.. I know they do. I know we aren't alike anymore, maybe we never were... but I hate it Colleen.

I knew we were creeping apart. Like even when we slept over at Harmony's and went in the pool. I can't talk about the same things you guys talk about. I'm not very intelligent and intellectual or have a big vocabulary. I don't listen to very good music. I haven't done any drugs or go to shows. It's hard to fit. It's hard to be myself. Which probably is just too nice.

I want you to know I really loved you. Do you remember when we used to say that on the phone? My heart used to beat weird when we said that. I used to get all splotchy chest and everything.
You meant so much to me. I would do anything for you, I gave you things that were so special to me because I wanted to see you happy. It makes me want to cry because it was so special and different.

I cry about it. I don't cry about much but I cry about this.

Maybe all of your relationships with people are this way. Maybe everyone says this stuff. Like John, and Harmony.
I could understand if they were. I know I'm not the only one who sees you this way. So part of me feels like maybe you have heard it before.

It reminds me of what Rachel said that one time "Yeah me and Colleen were best friends last year." Is that me now? Am I just another Rachel?

I just don't know if I really meant anything, I know that sounds selfish. It probably is. But I have to wonder. Part of me for a while thought you just did everything to satisfy yourself. What's convenient for you or what ever you got out of it. It even kind of hurts me about the books. Of course you were going to keep them when it was over.

That sounds mean ahh

I remember that one time I was above Harmony on your top friends. I felt on top of the world then. I felt like I was really worth something.

I guess it's good that it was me instead of her going first. She really loves you too and she needs you she really really does. I know I'll be okay I just got to get over it and not care so much. That's probably where harsh comments come from and again, I am sorry. You don't deserve it.

I won't write things or say things like that anymore. And I'm glad you made me look like a bad friend out there in the public. Maybe I am, and maybe this is all new news to you. My feelings and everything.

I don't mean to hurt you. I promise. 

//end message

(9:56:26 PM) Colleen: lindsey said something.. digging to me.. and.. i replied.. i told her it hurt me.. i .. 
(9:56:30 PM) Colleen: and she sent me that
(9:56:32 PM) Colleen: shes smart
(9:58:26 PM) gofg467: auughhh
(9:58:27 PM) gofg467: there is
(9:58:29 PM) gofg467: this
(9:58:34 PM) gofg467: this elephant always in the room of my brain
(9:58:46 PM) gofg467: the empirical evidence outlined by things like this
(9:58:54 PM) gofg467: that everything will end in misery and pain and suffering
(9:59:08 PM) gofg467: it is that which makes me misunderstand the words you say when i talk to other people
(9:59:31 PM) gofg467: i believe you
(9:59:44 PM) Colleen: ..lindsey is the only person this has ever happened with.
(9:59:55 PM) Colleen: i didnt send it to you so you could compare it to our relationship
(9:59:56 PM) Colleen: ..
(10:00:02 PM) Colleen: theyre completly different
(10:00:03 PM) Colleen: its ..
(10:00:04 PM) Colleen: just
(10:00:57 PM) Colleen: i shouldnt of sent it to you, i wanted you to look at it, and to see it for what it was, i loved lindsey so much. god, but.. we changed.. i changed.. theres no blame.. its no ones fault, i never promised eternal anything.. i just grew up.. and she did too. but in another world
(10:01:05 PM) Colleen: and we couldnt hold hands over the same things anymore
(10:01:12 PM) Colleen: and thats why we are both sad
(10:01:21 PM) Colleen: because even if we stay close, we arent what we were
(10:01:30 PM) Colleen: its not because i gave up or stopped trying
(10:01:37 PM) Colleen: i just had different things to talk about
(10:01:38 PM) Colleen: ..
(10:02:04 PM) Colleen: she didnt .. fit into those things anymore, and no matter how much i loved her, she still wasnt a part of them.. and that wore on her.. and
(10:02:08 PM) Colleen: its just
(10:02:14 PM) Colleen: its sad and hard, and it makes me cry
(10:03:55 PM) gofg467: i'm sorry that i had the reaction to it which i did
(10:04:45 PM) gofg467: i might take that back
(10:04:46 PM) gofg467: i am not sure
(10:04:50 PM) gofg467: i don't want to think about it
(10:05:03 PM) Colleen: i dont care what you think about it
(10:06:19 PM) gofg467: okay
(10:08:13 PM) gofg467: Please don't be mad at me
(10:08:20 PM) gofg467: but please don't also go away thinking that i misinterpret everything
(10:10:24 PM) gofg467: everyone seems to be aware of the ever-hovering judgment of irrelevance
(10:10:55 PM) gofg467: why am I not allowed to draw parallels?
(10:11:05 PM) gofg467: for me to have interpreted her message as anything other
(10:11:08 PM) gofg467: would be anti-human
(10:12:34 PM) gofg467: for you to not see the parallels that i saw, which would be a requirement for you to send me the message
(10:12:54 PM) gofg467: demonstrates at least a minor gap in understanding or information on your part
(10:13:03 PM) gofg467: :/
(10:13:05 PM) gofg467: goodnight