Bring Back Slavery: Save Homeless People

Washington DC has passed a 5 cent tax on all plastic bags. This is stupid.

Instead of bags, Americans should employ homeless people to carry about their things. Such homeless people could be bought and sold like a commodity, provided that they who so use the homeless provide food and shelter. In this way, the cities will be cleaner, safer, and everyone will be happier.

Slavery wasn’t such a bad thing. It was only enslaving black people that was the objectionable.

It’s Constitutional too. The 13th Amendment doesn’t ban slavery. Not if you convict those to be enslaved first:

Section 1. Neither slavery nor involuntary servitude, except as a punishment for crime whereof the party shall have been duly convicted, shall exist within the United States, or any place subject to their jurisdiction.

Section 2. Congress shall have power to enforce this article by appropriate legislation.

Vagrancy, or not being able to prove you had a job, has been illegal at many times and places in the United States and is still enforced today. According to the FBI database, in 2005, 24,359 people were arrested for vagrancy in the United States.¹

So, you make vagrancy a crime punishable by one year of involuntary servitude to a licensed master. Not unconstitutional, and the old school whip-and-chains methods won’t be tolerated.

My new “National Living Standards Act of 2010″ bill is now in the works. I just need some Congressional sponsors (Ron Paul, anyone?) and we’ve got a deal.

1. “Crime in the United States 2005″, published by the FBI. [HTML] [↩]